Women are from Venus - with reporter Sam Thorne

NOW I know that the purpose of this blog is to enlighten you all about the ever-fascinating life of a journalist.

But rather than immersing you in endless details of how we got this story and how we got that story, I thought I'd feed you a titbit of office gossip.

Well, not gossip as such, but hopefully it'll give you some idea of life behind the scenes.

A few weeks back, when I was sitting on the Dark Side (the side of the room where the editor, the subs and our chief reporter sits), we had one of those "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" debates.

Now it would seem that a lot of the men in our office (and probably a lot of men outside our office, too) struggle with interpreting what women mean.

By all accounts, what women say and what women actually mean is something of a minefield.

So, probably rather jokingly, I was challenged to write a blog on the intricacies of the female mind. (Yes, we really do have one.)

And so here it is. Men, sit up and pay attention now - this really could change your life.

Perhaps the biggest mistake guys seem to make is misinterpreting the words "no" and "yes." How hard can it be?

Well, in female terms - especially following an argument or when we flounce out of the room with a quick toss of our hair and our hands on our hips - yes means no and no means yes. Got it?

Next up, and for us girls, "I need (fill in the blank, usually with something shoe-shaped)" invariably translates as "I want."

Similarly, "we need" also means "I want." We ladies can be pretty demanding creatures, you understand.

Now you've got that, here are some other vital lessons for you wannabe lotharios.

"How about a movie tonight?" translates as: "If I spend one more night between these four walls, I will start frothing at the mouth!"

When a woman says, "do what you want," this is generally a sign of great danger - trust me guys, you'll pay for it later.

Similarly, if a woman sniffs, "I'm not upset," it almost always means, "of course I'm upset, you moron."

If a woman asks you how she looks, always ALWAYS reply, "beautiful, but you always do, darling." Tread carerfully here, guys - even the slightest hestitation can get you into big trouble.

Finally, beware the fuming woman who asks (sorry, screams) "Are you listening to me?!" If you've tuned out her rantings for even a nano-second, you will need to do some serious grovelling. Trust me on that.

Sam Thorne